Love, Loneliness, and Mental Health: A Therapist’s Perspective on Valentine’s Day
Though it seems as if 2024 just ended, we are already approaching the halfway point of the second month of the year. And for many, this isn’t just a regular day, but a special day all to do with celebrating love. Most of us are very familiar with the varying opinions about Valentine’s Day. Some stand firmly in the belief that “it’s just another day” or that it’s a “holiday created by the greeting card industry to make a profit.” Others go all out on this day, buying flowers and candy, engaging in grand gestures, leaning fully into the holiday spirit. While Valentine’s Day brings out the proverbial warm fuzzies in many, as a therapist, I see firsthand how this holiday impacts mental health with feelings of isolation and loneliness. Given the expense and polarizing nature of Valentine’s Day, should we really be celebrating it?
The Psychology of Love and Connection
First, we have to talk about what exactly we are celebrating. Though Valentine’s Day originated as a Catholic celebration in honor of St. Valentine, our modern understanding of the holiday has more to do with celebrating love. And what exactly is love and how does it affect our mental health? Dictionary.com says that love is “a strong feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.” Many professionals in the sciences see it more from a biological point of view, focusing on the chemical response that occurs in our brains. I personally like the definition given by Dr. Heather Hardin of Auburn University in which she states that “love is knowing yourself in order to give it away to others.” Love is beyond nice feelings. Love is about connectedness, vulnerability, sharing, cooperation, sacrifice, trust. From a mental health perspective, healthy relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, play a crucial role in contributing to feelings of safety, self-esteem, and overall well-being.
Valentine’s Day and Mental Health: Joy or Isolation?
Still, it is not lost on me that no matter how expansive a definition of love we adopt, many people do not feel like they have it, at least not in the ways that they desire. For those struggling with loneliness, and the anxiety and depression that often accompany it, this holiday can be a painful reminder of the lack of love and care they need from their relationships. And regardless of charming spins on Valentine’s Day (e.g. Galentine’s Day), our culture’s emphasis on romantic love can still leave people feeling alone.
Should You Celebrate Valentine’s Day? A Therapist’s Take
So, is Valentine’s Day worth celebrating? I think that it is, if it’s meaningful to you. It is my belief as a therapist that, without ignoring structural or cultural forces, individuals can still create meaning in their own lives in the ways that they want. Celebrate Valentine’s Day if you want to or skip the festivities if it’s not for you. However, I encourage others to express and demonstrate their love in all their loving relationships (platonic, familial, or romantic) beyond a singular day.
If Valentine’s Day feels isolating or triggers deeper emotions for you, it may be helpful to explore those feelings with a licensed therapist. Therapy provides a safe space to process relationship challenges, improve self-worth, and develop healthier connections. And though it may not be love in the traditional sense, the unconditional positive regard of a therapeutic relationship can be healing, serving as a powerful template with which to model vulnerability, care, and trust in other relationships.